ystd night, i was feeling real and i mean real, emo and moody.. i dont know what came over me and i cried for no reason.. the tears just wouldnt stop flowing. they came continuously non-stop like rain water being splashed onto the ground. i couldnt control them. i wiped them off and they came quicker than ever..i practically cried myself dried..i wished i could just plaster the tear glands so they'll stop working. plus i was having terrible pms. the pain was like horrible lah. been long since ive experience such cramps. and so i was in a fucking lousy mood. and i got so irritated at this person who was msging me. i wanted to off my hp badly and simply throw it into the nearest bin; or either block that person.. but someone refused to let me do so.. i was replying him all short replys with attitude lah.i was really not in a mood to chat lah..when im in a bad mood, i throw attitude out on pple around me..sorry. its unlucky of him to catch me in a bad mood state.. im sure my handphone bills is going to burst big time this month. fuck man..seriously,i think im suffering from depression.. everytime my handphone rings i rushes to it then i get utterly disappointed when its somebody else who msged.. i hate the feeling of wanting to see his name and yet, it turns out to be someone else's name.. i dont feel like talking to anyone either.. they talked and i just replied for the sake of replying..and for the first time, i slept well cos i was really too tired from that long session of crying...and so i close my weary eyes and pray that i will see him again in my sweet dreams.. everything that i see or hear now just makes me sooo sad..writting down my thoughts for him is the only thing i can do..i'll be lying if i said he never cross my mind..i couldnt help it when i started to cry..i wonder about him and i wonder if he wondered about me.. somehow, he reminded me that im nothing but a loser.. im so afraid he's merely a beautiful illusion of my mind.. cos hes too perfect and unreachable.. do i EVEN exist in his world? i dont know if i should laugh or cry that God includes him in my life.. i dont wanna admit this fact but i feel so miserable.. he've taught me that dreams dont exist; only reality does..i hate the ME now.. tdy, my pms aint any better and my eyes hurts from all those crying..its been long since ive cried sooo much.. and i still feel moody and emo..i dun know if i should even go out or stay at home in this fucking ugly state...i looked pathetic..i feel so small and useless.. i hate crying..

♥ 11:05 AM